You’ve been to a slew of parties and probably thrown a few in your day. No doubt, you’ve learned the basics of being a good host—always have more food than seems reasonable, make everyone feel relaxed, keep conversations and drinks flowing. However, life is a quest for knowledge, so let us bring you to the next level of being a party proprietor with an alphabetical field guide to who's who and what's what at any great event.
Awkward Aperitivo: When the sounds of a guest slurping fettuccine fills the room.
Brut Brute: The person who puts that “one glass too many” of champagne into your hand. See also: Effusive Enabler.
Critical Canapé: A chorus of grumbling stomachs is hardly appropriate party music.
Depraved Dipper: Someone so overcome by the beauty of your baba ghanoush that they can’t help but double dip.
Expert Entreé: When guests compliment the host on the delicious pizza they ordered.
Faux-pas Flambé: The perfect party outfit should never be paired with singed eyebrows.
Gluttonous Gastronome: It isn’t overeating if you’re doing it for exploration of the greater culinary good.
Holistic Hangover: The zen of knowing that you will regret the good time you are having tonight but, in the end, it’ll all be worth it.
Idiosyncratic Icebreakers: Introduce your friends with thoughtful details, not trust falls.
Jovial Juices: Code for “someone spiked the cleanse.”
Kindly Kibitzing: Now that we’ve all had some drinks, let me tell you what we really think about that kaftan.
Lusty Layout: There are plenty of spots at a party for lounging plus, if you know what we mean.
Magnetic Moonlight: Never underestimate how alluring people appear by the glow of Mother’s Nature’s lighting.
Nebulous Neighbors: You left a note out telling your neighbors to come by, but that person is very unfamiliar. Who have you been talking to in the mailroom?
Omnipresent Omnivore: The person who is trigger happy for the next course. Their threshold for finger food is high.
Puckish Potpourri: Even the odor of this party is giving off a playful vibe. A plus for the equitable odors of scented candles and savory snacks.
Qua Quaff: Your friend told you to hold their drink while they stepped out. You took a sip so the beverage didn’t feel underused in their absence.
Reserved Raucous Rock: The perfect playlist for gently projecting an edge while still allowing your guests to speak at a comfortable volume.
Superfood Shindig: A party where the menu gets your metabolism racing for the marathon of deliciousness you’re about to consume.
Toasted Toast: They mean well, they just won’t remember anything tomorrow but the clinking of glasses.
Uber Uber: The car that arrives at the ultimate moment—when that couple has really “announced” that they perhaps have better things to do.
Voguing Vampire: She should be tired but she is still serving face long after she should have gone to bed.
Waltzing Whiskey: Some people can’t dance with a drink in their hand because … well, they are very poor dancers.
Xanthic Ex: Her ex probably didn’t get jaundice, but he does look like he hit a few parties before this one.
Yonder Yums: Crostinis are in your sightline, but the crushing reality is your arms just aren’t that long.
Zenith Zzzs: It’s time to start turning some lights on; the tryptophan in those turkey burgers has arrived.